Why?

I spent much time in an English AP class.  One of the most informative and beneficial classes I may take in my lifetime.  Bless the teacher forever for the many things which she was able to teach me.  Even if she is not teaching religion, she has God with her.  This I am sure more than I have noticed.  One of the principles that stuck out to me during that great time was her statement: "Why? You can ask many questions, but the most important and helpful will be the question 'why?'"  Now I have had much time since my conversion to the gospel to ponder why I would want to serve a mission.  There have been many times that I wouldn't be able to come up with an answer.  I lost my way for quite a while, and the mission went into the back of my mind. In many ways, during this period of my life I became like Alma the younger and the sons of Mosiah.  I came out of that time of my life to learn of the glory, grace, and mercy of God.  I learned and applied the atonement to my own life, and I learned about the endless power Christ has gained over death, pain, and sin.  I too have become like unto Alma and the sons of Mosiah; especially Ammon.  And within their story, I found my reason why I WANT and DESIRE to serve a mission.

Now they were desirous that salvation should be declared to every creature, for they could not bear that any human should should perish; yeah, even the very thought that any soul should perish; yea, even the very thought that any soul should endure endless torment did cause them to quake and tremble.
Mosiah 28:3

I've felt the pain and hopelessness that sin alone can cause to the human soul.  Just imagining those out in the world that wouldn't be able to apply the atonement in their own lives to be lost day in and day out to the pain and misery.  Those people are holding on one more day hoping that someone will bring them what I can bring.  To my brothers and sisters, I will go to them to deliver to them peace, joy, eternal life, and the message that He lives.

Goals & Planning

Today, about half an hour before noon, the spirit prompted me to read the section in Preach my Gospel entitled "Use Time Wisely".  After reading, struggling with the spirit, and saying I was doing alright without the methods mentioned in the chapter, I ended up getting two planners and adopting the goal setter's philosophies.  I typically haven't set many goals during the course of my life, but after reading what the prophets have said, I decided to adopt it into my habits of daily living.

I am so thoroughly convinced that if we don't set goals in our life and learn how to master the techniques of living to reach our goals, we can reach a ripe old age and look back on our life only to see that we reached but a small part of our full potential.  When one learns to master the principles of setting a goal, he will then be able to make a great difference in the results he attains in this life.
-- Elder M. Russel Ballard

When performance is measured, performance improves.  When performance is measured and reported, the rate of improvement accelerates.
--President Thomas S. Monson

I have set up my two planners (one big and home based, the other pocket travel) and I hope the habit will become a worth while and fruitful practice.  I have set up the goal finishing out today, tomorrow, and Sunday to be reading through the whole book of 3Nephi-- Not just reading, but studying "Christ in America".

Sleep

The time has come for me to focus some on habits.  Mostly the habits I will be engaged with during the course of my mission.  There are many habits to begin, and many habits to break.

The first habit I need to start is "early to bed, early to rise". This will be my focus for the next few days.  In the Doctrine and Covenants, the Lord promises many blessing of both health and joy to those who obey this part of the word of wisdom.  I, regrettably, have not done so well in keeping this part of the law.

It is now my goal to go to bed at 10:30 each night, and to wake up each morning at 6:30.  This will be my focus for the next week.  I pray the Lord's assistance in such an endeavor.

Being Broken

Physically, we get sick.  It's a fact of life.  Because we are all mortal, we are all subjected to becoming sick.  Even so, our souls are subjected to spiritual diseases.  It may not be exactly the same, but really think about it.  The prophets have said that there are latter-day ills that can dim the spirit and dull our senses.  In many ways, that could be considered the definition of being physically sick: our bodies become weak and our senses dull.  The prophets have referred to drugs, pornography, and many other harmful substances and practices as a "vile disease".  With that in regard, could quite possibly the smaller violations of the law also be a type of disease?  Many suffer from foul or "accidental" language.  Could something as simple as bad language be a type of spiritual disease, if not a "gateway disease"?

Spiritually speaking, is being "diseased" being broken?

I am a young athlete and have enjoyed the blessings of my high school track team for the last few years.  It has been a great time to learn and grow.  To become better required me to face myself and learn to use strength of which only God knew I had within me.  I was on my way.  In fact, I began to become very skilled at sprinting.  I began to stun and amaze everyone with the speed and miraculous ability I could summon.  I know that this strength was within me because I am a son of the eternal God whose strength and ability are limitless.  I know that this strength was within me cause I was given such a blessing of my Father.  I was blessed to the extent that I was qualifying for state, and I would be able to actually compete.  However, before the state meet my Junior year, I competed at Region.  The day and events have been run through my mind many times on countless occasions.  In the 100 meter dash, about the 70 meter mark, I tore my hamstring.  I limped to the finish line and fell to the grass to the inside of the track.  Tears streamed my face.  The pain alone was enough to make me cry.  Once my coach got to me and discovered the severity of the injury, I was declared unable to run. "No, coach! Don't take me out! I know I can do it!"  Looking back, I will admit, I was delirious from the emotional agony I was suffering.  The long hours and hoops I had to jump through to get to where I had been had now been made worthless.  Now that it's my senior year, I cannot do it.  I am on the team, and I am able to sprint, but not to the capacity of which I was once able.  The searing pain only returns during competition and I fear I may soon tear it once again if I push too hard.  I know I have the ability to run faster, I know I have more within me, but I am not able to give it my all. In many instances, many times since my accident, I have found myself alone weeping to myself.  "I am broken," I have lamented.

Recently, however, I have received new hope and faith.  This experience has taught me much about life and the mercies of our Lord.  Things may not have turned out as I planned, but maybe that's a blessing in itself. I have received hope not only that I may be physically healed, but that my unseen wounds may be healed also.  This faith and hope I received because of a story President Boyd K. Packer shared long ago:

For a number of years I found relaxation in carving and painting songbirds, at times spending a full year on a single carving. That suggests how much time I had now and again. Once I had a newly finished carving on the back seat of a car driven by Elder A. Theodore Tuttle. He hit the brakes suddenly and the carving was thrown to the floor and damaged.

Elder Tuttle felt terrible, supposing he had ruined a year’s work. When I waved aside his apologies, he said, “You sure don’t seem to be upset about it.” To reassure him, I said “Don’t worry, I made it; I can fix it.” Actually it had been broken and fixed many times while I was working on it.

Later Brother Tuttle likened that experience to lives, broken or badly damaged, supposedly ruined with no hope of repair, not knowing that there is a Maker, a Creator, who can fix any of his creations no matter how hopelessly broken they seem to be.

Foundations

The City of Jershon is referenced in the Book of Mormon and is the city of the people of Ammon-- also known as the Anti-Nephi-Lehies.  The people of Ammon are known for their faith in he Savior, Jesus Christ, after their conversion by the missionary Ammon.  The children of the Ammonites are famously known as the Stripling Warriors.  To show their repentance was sincere, the people of Ammon made a covenant to never lift their weapons of war-- even in self defense.  The Nephites earnestly protected the people of Ammon, but a time came that they were touched by the effort on their part by their brethren, the Nephites. Because of the Nephites' effort, the people of Ammon were about to lift their weapons to help in the defense of the people, but the prophet Heleman felt the people of Ammon would lose their souls if they did break their covenant.  Thus, the sons of the people of Ammon went to war because they did not make the covenant their parents made.

2,000 young men, still in their teens, went to war in the name of their God.  Having faith and having been taught correct principles by their mothers, the young men did not fear death, for they knew that their God was with them.  In the wars of which the Stripling Warriors fought, their was not one soul that was lost.  The young men suffered from wounds and pain, but none were killed in battle.

The people of Jershon were a righteous people. Constant in their faith, never wavering.

I am simply a young man. One who does rejoice in a knowledge of which brings peace.  The time has come in my life to prepare for a mission.  I have been attempting to prepare for the last few months, but as has been said to me, "a goal not written down is a wish."  Lately I have been struggling in my preparations because I have not been evaluating my progress to come to the realization that I am not progressing, but that I have been only sitting still (sinking) in the water.  So better than just writing down my goal, I will blog my efforts and progress.  This blog will work as an on-going evaluation and map for me to fulfill the promise I made when I was personally converted to the Gospel of Christ. "I will be ready when He offers to send me."

The powers of the enemy are trying hard.  I have been attacked in many ways to not prepare for a mission.  I have been tried and tested to see if I will even go.  It has become obvious and apparent the enemy of my soul fears the capacity I have in being a missionary.  Thus the battle wages on-- not only for my own, but to be worthy to be a fisher of men.  With the scriptures as my shield; the Holy Ghost as my sword; and my journals, with this blog, as my map; I will not fail my God.  In the end, I will serve a mission to spread the news of Him and begin the foundations in building a modern City of Jershon.